Monday, February 23, 2015

SHOW ME YOUR CELLULITE AND I'LL SHOW YOU MINE



BUTTS BEFORE BULLETS

It is an interesting place to live when the Chief of Police tells the citizenry to arm themselves for their own personal safety. My personal feeling is I don’t think he knows the law of attraction. Having a weapon seems to me to be an invitation for trouble to come looking for you. You know egos and all that, everybody likes to be a hero or a white hatted cowboy until the bullets fly, especially during robberies and road rage incidents. I have a better idea. Living in one of the most obese states of the union, I suggest they legalize, nay, mandate public nudity. I am certain that would scare off more trouble than a puny .357. Think of how it would also stave off the underwear/ass hanging out above a belt that could never keep the pants up in any other rhythm than a slow walk. I can see this new world now, and it is a beautiful place, those that insist on carrying a weapon would only have one place to holster it and that would free up so many seats on the buses and rail lines. Alongside fall marathons for charity we could have cellulite competitions, the more the bumps the more the points. Hell if your ass is too big I say a tax deduction should be offered. How many naked politicians would actually have the balls to stand up and say “we need more war and higher taxes” because their erections would give them away as the whores they are. And even though no one would be able to give another the shirt off their back, the answer to a panhandlers question would always be a foregone conclusion unless of course one has some spare change holstered. Yes make the naked city really naked. Everyone says society changes one person at a time, I say go for the big bang and ban not only the bra but the jockstrap, return naked truth and honesty to society! And for those guns, at least they would be pointed in the right direction for self policing. Thank you Chief Craig!



© M Durfee
2.23.2015


FREE YOUR BODY BEFORE YOU BLOW YOUR BALLISTICS.

23 comments:

  1. heh. funny, i wrote something similar yesterday, but it was more peoplewearing their insides out...i got a goot snicker at the politicians, yeah i am pretty sure their hard ons would give them away....naked could be the great equalizer...

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    1. We would certainly come to a different understanding of beauty and once we stopped gawking we'd actually start listening to one another Brian.

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  2. if they required public nudity, how would folks conceal their guns?

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    1. Charles God provided a perfect holster on every human being, they can carry them in their butt cheeks, some might even enjoy a long barrel .457

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  3. This is a perfectly modest proposal. We should enact it immediately.

    BTW, we have a nude bicycle race here. It occurs once a year. A local politician took exception and tried to enact a law banning the display of male nipples. Well, that and women's yoga pants. It got tabled.

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    1. I agree with the immediacy of the need Alice--a nude bike ride, I can think of some uncomfortable seats for some folks but hey it is a start1

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  4. Hilarious but I think it makes perfect sense ~ That way, we would save on clothes and let it all hang out ~ Would the politicians have the guts, ha ~

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    1. Grace the honest ones would, but then it would be a very small pile of clothes left behind them.

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  5. I read your title and thought, "Some things are best left in the dark" But you humorously make your point!

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    1. Jeff of all the people or class of people that have evolved, i do not like politicians above all the rest.

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  6. Lovely piece of writing, Mark ... funny and smart ... let's get naked ... Love, cat.

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    1. I'm all for it meowmomma, naked is good and just think when it was cold, we could make sure everyone is warm with body heat.

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  7. Hee.
    Subway commuters would be warned in advance before a naked guy with an erection can hiss, 'If I catch you, you get a piece of this." lol

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    1. I'm sure many guys would not be hard for you to catch Ivan. Well probably better said if i removed the not.

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    1. Thank you Kylie, your Doula services would probably rise in demand but the world needs more babies.

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  9. Too funny . . . and a genius idea to boot . . .

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  10. In the country, we can go naked and not one person notices. Maybe a squirrel or two. LOL. I like the idea Mark. But no politician will ever really unclothe--they would still manage to use smoke and mirrors.

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    1. I miss swimming naked in mountain streams Syd. But alas you are correct there would still be a class that would only let you see what they made up.

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  11. Mark, are you kidding? Who wants to look at that?

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    1. All but the vain Jodi. If everyone was naked it would be normal.

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So Walking Man I was thinking...