BUTTS BEFORE BULLETS
It is an interesting place to live when the Chief of Police
tells the citizenry to arm themselves for their own personal safety. My
personal feeling is I don’t think he knows the law of attraction. Having a
weapon seems to me to be an invitation for trouble to come looking for you. You
know egos and all that, everybody likes to be a hero or a white hatted cowboy
until the bullets fly, especially during robberies and road rage incidents. I
have a better idea. Living in one of the most obese states of the union, I
suggest they legalize, nay, mandate public nudity. I am certain that would
scare off more trouble than a puny .357. Think of how it would also stave off
the underwear/ass hanging out above a belt that could never keep the pants up
in any other rhythm than a slow walk. I can see this new world now, and it is a
beautiful place, those that insist on carrying a weapon would only have one
place to holster it and that would free up so many seats on the buses and rail
lines. Alongside fall marathons for charity we could have cellulite
competitions, the more the bumps the more the points. Hell if your ass is too
big I say a tax deduction should be offered. How many naked politicians would
actually have the balls to stand up and say “we need more war and higher taxes”
because their erections would give them away as the whores they are. And even
though no one would be able to give another the shirt off their back, the
answer to a panhandlers question would always be a foregone conclusion unless
of course one has some spare change holstered. Yes make the naked city really naked.
Everyone says society changes one person at a time, I say go for the big bang
and ban not only the bra but the jockstrap, return naked truth and honesty to society! And for
those guns, at least they would be pointed in the right direction for self
policing. Thank you Chief Craig!
© M Durfee
2.23.2015
FREE YOUR BODY BEFORE YOU BLOW YOUR BALLISTICS.
heh. funny, i wrote something similar yesterday, but it was more peoplewearing their insides out...i got a goot snicker at the politicians, yeah i am pretty sure their hard ons would give them away....naked could be the great equalizer...
ReplyDeleteWe would certainly come to a different understanding of beauty and once we stopped gawking we'd actually start listening to one another Brian.
Deleteif they required public nudity, how would folks conceal their guns?
ReplyDeleteCharles God provided a perfect holster on every human being, they can carry them in their butt cheeks, some might even enjoy a long barrel .457
DeleteThis is a perfectly modest proposal. We should enact it immediately.
ReplyDeleteBTW, we have a nude bicycle race here. It occurs once a year. A local politician took exception and tried to enact a law banning the display of male nipples. Well, that and women's yoga pants. It got tabled.
I agree with the immediacy of the need Alice--a nude bike ride, I can think of some uncomfortable seats for some folks but hey it is a start1
DeleteHilarious but I think it makes perfect sense ~ That way, we would save on clothes and let it all hang out ~ Would the politicians have the guts, ha ~
ReplyDeleteGrace the honest ones would, but then it would be a very small pile of clothes left behind them.
DeleteI read your title and thought, "Some things are best left in the dark" But you humorously make your point!
ReplyDeleteJeff of all the people or class of people that have evolved, i do not like politicians above all the rest.
DeleteLovely piece of writing, Mark ... funny and smart ... let's get naked ... Love, cat.
ReplyDeleteI'm all for it meowmomma, naked is good and just think when it was cold, we could make sure everyone is warm with body heat.
DeleteHee.
ReplyDeleteSubway commuters would be warned in advance before a naked guy with an erection can hiss, 'If I catch you, you get a piece of this." lol
I'm sure many guys would not be hard for you to catch Ivan. Well probably better said if i removed the not.
DeleteToo funny . . . and a genius idea to boot . . .
ReplyDeleteYes sir, freedom at it's most naked.
DeleteIn the country, we can go naked and not one person notices. Maybe a squirrel or two. LOL. I like the idea Mark. But no politician will ever really unclothe--they would still manage to use smoke and mirrors.
ReplyDeleteI miss swimming naked in mountain streams Syd. But alas you are correct there would still be a class that would only let you see what they made up.
DeleteMark, are you kidding? Who wants to look at that?
ReplyDeleteAll but the vain Jodi. If everyone was naked it would be normal.
DeleteThank you Kylie, your Doula services would probably rise in demand but the world needs more babies.
ReplyDeleteNot in ice cold winter:)
ReplyDelete