RECIDIVISM TO MENTAL
INSTABILITY
Floating in the swirling din of noiseless confusion
time falls away to nothing more than an argument
between when and how and why not.
Hopelessly lost without goal or destination
I simply skim over the night that never ends
because of the screaming telling me of the evil
I am become and the questioning that never ends
as the sand filled hose rises and falls calling for my blood.
Occasionally someone will ring me and ask where am,
Am I what I was, have I died or am I simply
living the easy life of ignorance to all I once loved.
I have no answer, as I speak the usual acceptable lie;
“I’m alright.”
None want the truth,
None want the truth,
even if there was assistance that could be offered
everyone knows that when a ship is sinking
it’s every man for themselves.
I have never lived on a slowly sinking scow until now
and too tired to bail I lay across the bow and wait.
I float in the muddled mind befallen me.
Being surrounded in sadness and contention,
It is no way to live nor anyway to die,
but soon enough the rising water will take me
then, upon it I will float until I can float no more
I will simply gratefully sink and fade from the light of
day,
again.
© 4/4/14
M Durfee
42 years ago, at age 17, I enlisted into the USN--those were much happier days then.
42 years ago, at age 17, I enlisted into the USN--those were much happier days then.
Although I know this is not what it's about, because of the place I'm in, this reminds me of sleepless nights parenting. Funny how the night, and the disorientation of sleeplessness, calls into question all we think we know. All the worse if we go to bed thinking on the state of the world. These confusions linger way past dawn.
ReplyDeleteFLoat until you sink. Or if the land is still dry, on our knees and snarling
ReplyDeleteNot with a bang, but a whimper?
ReplyDeleteperhaps you "sink" to a deeper wisdom? Sinking beneath their wisdom like a stone.
ReplyDeleteALOHA from Honolulu
ComfortSpiral
=^..^= <3
http://youtu.be/qnD_ZdALLdY
I get it. It makes my heart hurt and my eyes leak... but I get it. No one can enter into it with you, this I know all too well. But I'd bail for you. And failing at that, I'd lay across the bow and wait with you. Wait for kinder tides and different shores... there must be different shores, mustn't there.... a certain Mountain Man and I send you our love.
ReplyDeleteMark-these words can be applied to many things. The distortion of my dreams sometimes scare the hell out of me. xo
ReplyDeleteI was prepared to comment until I read the other comments. I was planning on writing "holy shit, these words are put together in such a skillful, emotional way, on a level that I could only hope to achieve one day, when I have your wisdom, I want to write like this."
ReplyDeleteBut than I felt the need to come up with something better, something more artsy and cool.
Nothing came to me.
Except: I agree with all of them above. I will float with you. Not that it matters in the end. We all floated with Jeff til the last...gasp...of....air. But none of us were WITH him. We were IN FRONT of him.
Yep.
until you sink and fade? Oh no you don't. You ain't getting off that easy.
ReplyDeleteWe all lay in the beds we made. and even if we won't, we'll find other things to keep us busy. Sink and fade my ass, dude! And I don't mean to be crass or rude, but the fight continues, and I know you would refuse
a pillow in the deep?
A quiet place to sleep?
Two battles in the year, so far, and it nearly got me, damned near stopped me shoved me in a poke.
But in the words of a friend (and you probably know who, see) "Head high, chin up, and fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!"
At least, I think that's what you probably said...
I figure to try it out some, not pretend I'm the walking dead.
Surely this is a site well worth seeing.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you float on calm seas to a warm and sunny beach. Not much is the way it used to be. What we have is a now that seems to rocket us faster and faster towards....what?
ReplyDelete