PLANNING A VACATION?

THE CITY OF TOO MANY NAMES A PERSONAL PERPECTIVE ON HALFS

Having read so many times about containers of glass being half empty or half full being equated to perspective and always being curious about interrelations to:

this le détroit du lac Érié,

this Paris of the Midwest,

this City of Trees,

this Arsenal of Democracy,

this Murder Capitol of America,

this 140 sq miles currently called Detroit,
this most racially segregated area in the United States.
This city of too many fucking names.

Now there is no doubt about it, Detroit is trying to live up to its priest given motto:

 Speramus meliora; resurget cineribus (which could be translated “much sperm, regenerating for a succubus”)

I mean after the 400 year old story of Le Nain Rouge my translation would make sense because of the curse that Red Imp placed on the area after kicking Detroit’s founder, Antoine de la Mothe, Sieur de Cadillac ass for being a wise ass prick.

No Speramus meliora; resurget cineribus given by Fr. Gabriel Richard (the first and last saintly man to live in Detroit) after the fire that leveled the city in 1767 actually means

We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes

Well now after nearly 50 years at attempted gentrification some shit is rising from the ashes. 7.6 sq miles of shit actually has been gentrified with another 5 or so in the works. That works out to about 12.5 sq miles of a 140 sq mile city rising from the damned ashes.

I have taken it upon myself to name the newly gentrified area:
this Disney by the River

Of course working out the math I really don’t think the glass can be called half full, maybe a third full if you go by population because Detroit retains a smattering less of its peak population of 1.9 million people. But if you go from the actual reality of sprucing the joint up there is only dregs left in the damned glass seeing as most of the city is violent, inhabited by the insane, the criminals, the foolishly hopeful, the very impoverished, and me—the comfortably cynical. Now if cynicism were to be what’s in the glass then that son of a bitch it full to the brim.

Surely what other city in the world has the police chief actually told residents to buy more guns? Why the man was even on the cover of the NRA monthly rag, though I don’t think he did any nude shots with a small revolver strategically placed to allow him his modesty/ Funny thing about our police chief is he isn’t really a cop, he has no policing powers, because he never even after 40 years, bothered to pay for his certification once he hit command rank. The guy has been around though 3 years as a rookie in Detroit, then LA, Portland Maine, Cincinnati OH and finally coming back to Detroit (lapsed certification and all) to earn his 4^th police pension.

What other city in the world bends over frontwards for crooks who wind up doing decades in jail and then says “Fuck Me, we didn’t think you really were going to fuck me.”

What other city with a half full glass has a city council where the members spend half their time calling each other names (Shut up Shrek, I’m talking”) Oh that was Monica Conyers soon to be former wife of the US house of Representatives longest sleeping member John Conyers, MonCon also went to prison for a year she sold herself for a thousand bucks, which was better than the council woman who sold herself for 16 pounds of sausage. (get your mind in the gutter, 16 pounds of meat is a lot)

But then that was all before we were named:

this City which presented the Largest Municipal Bankruptcy in History.

Now that name alone presents us with a glass less than half full, empty actually but what is in a few words they found the money to pay off billions in debt to insurance company, banks and large bondholders. Of course that money was found by taking it all from individual bondholders and pensioners (except the police chief and a few other elected and appointed officials) to the tune of $14 billion bucks which at least half filled the city glass but more than half emptied a few, some 23,000 personal Styrofoam cups. (made in china of course).

So now I am confused: Detroit, is its cup ½ full or ½ empty? The newspapers are trumpeting the fact that we didn’t have too deadly a year when it comes to murders only something like 310 down from a peak of 734 in 1974. Some people must be doing very well because rents for a 1 bedroom apartment in Disney by the River are going for close to $2000 a month but you can rent an entire house in the lawless slums for around $600. Of course you get no amenities for that $600. Amenities like a landlord that pays property taxes or water bills and you do have to supply your own gun and ammunition, preferably cheap ammunition so it doesn’t penetrate the roof of neighboring houses during the annual 4^th of July and New Years free for all fire at will drunken gun brawl with the sky.

I simply don’t know; is the cup ½ full or ½ empty? There’s plenty of us niggers living in the slum and a bunch of hipsters living the Detroit dream in Disney by the River? I think if I take my cup and piss in it from my porch I could fill at least ½ of it up, if I have good aim and have a whole pot of coffee in me to build more pressure than any lawless land fire hydrant.

Detroit:
this City of ½ measures.


© M Durfee

1/3/2016