Thursday, April 2, 2015

WHOMEVER CAME UP WITH THE WORD D'VERSE...




A VOCATION IS A LETTER AWAY FROM A VACATION
“You’re too god damned stupid to go to school!
You.
Better.
Learn.
How.
To.
Work.”
He said these words with the closed hand that templed me from the holy homework chair to the floor. So much for any pocket protector calling, no slide rules for me, he decided as I walked out the door at 17, to return only a few times more. Damn near a decade of wandering the sea and shore with only two bighting consistencies to carry me, faith and writing. Though I will admit I thought it was a bunch of shit when I found he’d burned all my journals as another way to, in his mind, throw me to the ground, one last time to learn if, I’d become a man, I’d learned. I shrugged and walked off his land only to see him on his dying day and let this voice, from this beard be the last one he heard.

I did get around though, saw all I wanted to see, in every direction the winds of the road blew me. At the time I never understood what it took to actually define a man. I became a janitor, field hand, clerk, jerk, mechanic, plumber, electrician, anything that provided me work. Nothing that I’d say was a vocation, an occupation or a title to hang on me. I worked at this, labored at that, endeavored here and moiled there; none of it a true calling. But this I will say; no matter what every bill owed was paid. Everything I saw or did back then was poetry for my pen, even though I never kept a bit ‘o it.

Over forty years of dirt and grease but I always had my faith and writing to give me release from the aging aches and pains from being too God damned stupid to go to school. Back to those journals the old man burned, from that I learned the only lesson he ever taught, keep nothing except thought. Man I left poetry near everywhere I’ve ever been, told stories of all the things I’ve seen. Never kept a word of it, and damned if I can remember a metaphor or sonnet from those days long before I started to save and catalog any of my shit.

I have heard no calling or assigned myself any title of vocation. I have spent my life in pain and trouble, joy and peace filled nights far from the sight of most others living in a defined bubble. Looking back I can proudly boast I have failed algebra seven times and have written more words than most but for a calling, nah, I simply love that spirit that kept me alive and enjoy the words of that roaming life. I come from a family that prizes degree’s like a miser prizes pools of greed. I never worked me to a one. No initials to follow my name—which come to think of it was probably my hidden calling all the while, educate myself with the spirits smile, learning how to get up after falling. Vocation or not still the learning is a worthwhile endeavor, though the old man never lived long enough to see that I actually walked my way to be fairly clever

© M Durfee


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13 comments:

  1. Keep nothing except thought. I know I should have learned that long ago, but I have always fought it. I know in the end I'll lose.

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    1. I think you are wrong Charles, you keep lists and journals and in each one of them are a thousand prompts to bring back the thoughts that inspired you the most. There is no losing, not at the beginning or the end. there is only life, I wouldn't want yours and surely you wouldn't want mine.

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  2. Love every word of what you wrote here, Meouwpapa :) u so smart :) ... I left home age 16, spent I year on the streets, then 9 years in a monastery, and the next 30 some years being married with children ... now ? ... living my own life as I please and ever so happy :) Love, cat.

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    1. Meowmomma. life has gotten more tumultuous as Detroit declines still. yet i have no reason to leave just yet. 9 years in a monastery eh? Now that would never have occurred to me. The newest journey is grand-kids--interesting species they are.

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  3. Wonderful sharing of your life! I enjoyed reading it and would enjoy hearing more of your travels.

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    1. Jeff, I can list place large and small that I have been through but the fact of the matter it was more a journey of the spirit and soul than the doing of deeds. Walking into a small town and having some breakfast or making a camp in the treeline for a few weeks *meh* those are places. The people I met some were memorable and others just a shadow in the mind now.

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  4. Leave nothing but thought...I've lost people to death and never truly knew their thoughts...I believe knowing those could be a gift...

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    1. e- I too have outlived many of my peers, though I am only 60, when they were gone I can still say I am comfortable in knowing them because I never looked away as they spoke with me.

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  5. Your writing is raw and honest and is filled with your life stories ~ This is the best kind of calling, regardless of your job or what you do ~ I am happy to read your blog writing Mark ~ The man who thought of that pub's name is taking a break smiles ~

    Wishing you good weekend ~

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    1. Grace, I can write "pretty" (see the next one) but life is raw and why be dishonest and spin reality? I am not ashamed of the doors I have walked through, even though 9 of 10 of them never were good enough for him. *shrug* I have reconciled his being him with me being me decades ago. I believe i have made a life and am living it as i choose. What better freedom?

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  6. A very honest testimony and contribution. It seems to me you were always able to learn. Why your father could not or would not see it will probably remain a mystery.

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    1. Gabriella, it is no secret that genius does not equate to kindness. He was a genius, his patents and work save thousands of lives, he simply didn't care that his mother in law read poetry to me when I was but a wee child and taught me freedom of thought; language over science. She too was proficient in both for her times. None of my siblings were as influenced by her as I was.

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  7. Appreciated the honesty in your tale. Proof that words can carry on throughout a person's life, that they cannot be suppressed. They definitely seem to be your calling, underneath everything else you do.

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So Walking Man I was thinking...