CONSEQUENCES OF A CHRISTIAN GOVERNOR
6 inches of rain equals 55 inches of snow equals 14 feet of
flood leaving behind, when the shit finally drains, 8 inches of mud and thousands
of stalled vehicles left behind wherever them who convinced their selves they really
had to go out in that wild thundering lightning bullshit. All I know is to get
ready for the real blow, when the governor says:
“well ya know someone has to fix all this rain caused crap, guess
who? Yea right on dude. You! Hmmm let’s see–rain is an act of God and he’s
pretty rich, got piles and piles of gold, you’re his creation so how about a 14
dollar Act of God tax? Hmmm on what should we place the levy, who’s wallet gets
the ax?
Aha! I got it, place it on the sinners who never a sanctuary
see! Let them who don’t believe in God’s blue eyed, golden throne, bearded
majesty be the ones to pay the tax! Oh sorry what was that what did you say?
Christian church attendance went up 4000 percent today? Great! I didn’t want to
tax the churchy folk anyway, now that we have them all in church let’s get to
the other agendas movin’ while they’re heaped in gospel and forced in prayer!
Lets see here, where do we start? Kill women’s financial rights,
and those of gays too, raise the price of booze and cigarettes too and let’s
attach some extra cash too it’s only pagan money, their money is good for the
new Act of God bill’s due! Bring back the abortion ban and take away minority
voting rights, the church fold won’t mind as long as it’s only the leftist
communist pagans who lose their say and of course have to pay for God and 6
inches—of rain yeah, rain he sent to fuck them with yesterday. God damn the
Godless anyway. We’ll tax the sons a bitches until they see life just like me!”
JESUS CHRIST are you really on my staff? Hell no there will be no property
damage deductions, God damn, I just pissed myself so quit making me laugh!”
© M Durfee
© M Durfee
8.13.2014
This is all an imaginary conversation. Our most benevolent
governor hasn’t said the magic words yet. “Well that’s not really on my agenda
but…”
I don’t know what happened anywhere else but the Detroit Metro area received between 3.5 and 6 inches of rain in less than 5 hours. The antique storm sewers built a couple of years ago couldn’t keep up and all 5 interstate freeways were closed and the surface streets were gridlocked for 80 sq miles with standing water that went as high as 14 feet on the freeways and 6 on some surface streets. Today the sinkholes started to open up and the authorities started to tow thousands of cars that were abandoned. Anyone who needed parts for everything from a Lexus to a Mercedes could have simply taken what they wanted as long as they didn’t mind getting wet. The old lady was 40 miles away with the daughter in law and grandkid when the shit started. She was driving a 20 year old Honda Civic with a 310,000 miles on it. Took he 5 hours but she drove home in the middle of that shit, drove or floated.
Here in the city where we live, this is one of the 5 deadliest zip codes in America, it is so bad here even the fucking weather doesn’t stop over for long. No flooded basements here and our beater is drying out in the driveway.
The fucking governor was just whining about needing 1.4 billion for road repairs. I somehow think that amount is going to triple. And with Michigan not really a tossup state this year I think it safe to assume no federal money will this way come (so you all can relax now). Not that I find disasters funny, but this guy has fucked the citizens for 3 years now; long and hard, to give business' a couple of billion in tax breaks (campaign donations and all that) whew, my asshole is really starting to pucker with the dry weather. His habit thus far has been to use any excuse to open the door for shit that is unpopular that is simmering on the back burner to move it in with something else people reluctantly agree they need to have. Michigan the land of the you really don’t want to live here.
Vote the asshole ticket and re-elect Rick Snyder nerd/governor of Michigan.
I don’t know what happened anywhere else but the Detroit Metro area received between 3.5 and 6 inches of rain in less than 5 hours. The antique storm sewers built a couple of years ago couldn’t keep up and all 5 interstate freeways were closed and the surface streets were gridlocked for 80 sq miles with standing water that went as high as 14 feet on the freeways and 6 on some surface streets. Today the sinkholes started to open up and the authorities started to tow thousands of cars that were abandoned. Anyone who needed parts for everything from a Lexus to a Mercedes could have simply taken what they wanted as long as they didn’t mind getting wet. The old lady was 40 miles away with the daughter in law and grandkid when the shit started. She was driving a 20 year old Honda Civic with a 310,000 miles on it. Took he 5 hours but she drove home in the middle of that shit, drove or floated.
Here in the city where we live, this is one of the 5 deadliest zip codes in America, it is so bad here even the fucking weather doesn’t stop over for long. No flooded basements here and our beater is drying out in the driveway.
The fucking governor was just whining about needing 1.4 billion for road repairs. I somehow think that amount is going to triple. And with Michigan not really a tossup state this year I think it safe to assume no federal money will this way come (so you all can relax now). Not that I find disasters funny, but this guy has fucked the citizens for 3 years now; long and hard, to give business' a couple of billion in tax breaks (campaign donations and all that) whew, my asshole is really starting to pucker with the dry weather. His habit thus far has been to use any excuse to open the door for shit that is unpopular that is simmering on the back burner to move it in with something else people reluctantly agree they need to have. Michigan the land of the you really don’t want to live here.
Vote the asshole ticket and re-elect Rick Snyder nerd/governor of Michigan.
...our roads become rivers, since drainage holes and storm sewers are for rubbish and the homeless.
ReplyDeleteShadow we're not that cruel making our hi=omless live in drains and ditches, We just make them become invisible.
Deletedang. you cant win for losing can you man....its rained for like 6 days in row here...everything is saturated...and minor flooding but nothing like detroit i can imagine...
ReplyDeleteBrian i sure as hell hope that hell on earth is a Willy Wonka ticket to one heaven or another,
DeleteGot it on the news.
ReplyDeletePestilence!
No Ivan the pestilence should be in another day or two, all those mosquito eggs need time to hatch. Those were some hellacious pictures weren't they?
Deletebeen worried and wondering about you. i'm glad the house is dry--a tiny blessing in a cesspool mess. who ever you support for governor, i would support too xoxo
ReplyDeletelove
kj
Yeah it's one odd aspect about living in a slum kj, it may be a slum and all but it was built on the high ground.
DeleteI'm not sure who I;ll throw my vo to bt it sure as hell won't be Snyder. Remember Gateway computers? The only fully American developed and manufactured PC? Snyder is the one who shot it in the head and liquidated it. he made about $60 million off that deal.
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ReplyDeleteStart building Noah's Ark . . . Of course in North Texas -- where Rick Perry reigns -- he has his staff praying for rain. Apparently God missed the drop point . . .
ReplyDeleteSeriously, whoah, from Detroit to Long Island . . .
Erik didn't someone down there actually buil an Ark to biblical dimensions? If so they only need to take One Rick Perry, he's so narcissistic that he can clone himself,
Delete