There is no word to describe
uncertainty shorter than
I am not uncertain for my own future,
I have thought it through
I only need four more years alive
to secure my partners ability to survive,
after that I do not give a fuck for this life
I don’t fucking care. I fear no death or dying .
Just let her live on away from the constant commotion,
lack of quiet, the strikes, the strife.
But the today fear in the one I love is palpable,
it’s true I can’t earn much
but it doesn’t make me fully incapable.
I haven’t had that many Ali hits to the head.
I want four more years to make my dreams upon my bed
then it won’t matter if I am living or dead,
I will have completed my promise
to do my best to ensure she will be taken care of.
God damn ain’t it bazar and crazy this long lived thing called love?
I have to force myself to live for those years so the woman of my life
can then live somewhere not here, with an old broken down
pissed off motherfucker who lives basically only purpose is
to collect a well-earned disability check.
I wouldn’t say that life sucks every day for me
but I despise
the slowness of answers coming, the uncertainty.
And all you goddamned political and business flouting crooks
who put me in this rook position who are on your way to prison,
I hate all of you son’s a bitches
who gave up honor and morality for worldly riches.
I despise that you fools will have court given
better housing, meals, and health care living
than I and my wife will be able to afford.
So as a final word before they slam the gate
“Fuck you too! My fervent wish
is for you all to get gang raped.”