CONSCIENCE
There is a voice
that once was constantly
running the dialogue of my history in my head.
I tried to drown it,
silence it with
bourbon,
cigarettes,
meditation,
relentless positive dialog.
That voice still swims
to the top of my consciousness
every time my eye spies something not natural.
I no longer try to silence
or even reason with my history,
there is no need for
explanations,
accusations,
reparations.
I have lived and will continue to do so,
even though I no longer want or use
bourbon,
meditation,
relentless positive dialog.
Every tear that can be wrung out
of every bit of my fibrous being
has been thus milled out of me—long ago.
That stone has rolled on, long ago
leaving only the fiber,
which I have woven into strong rope
from which I dangle
my naked truth upon.
Now the dialog is about
baseball scores,
movies,
fucked up drivers,
them who are still arguing
about their own history.
We, I and this voice now flowing
have smoked the pipe of peace.
Together now, we simply share cigarettes,
bemusement, & wry knowing.
© M Durfee
© M Durfee
7.13. 2016
"milled out of me" Yep, says it right there.
ReplyDeleteHow often have folks like us been knocked down Charles, and how often have we gotten up rather than die? We chose life regardless of any other promises spoken.
DeleteI occasionally dialogue with my history. I try not to. My history is so petty. I don't bother with the booze, cigarettes, or meditation, but now and then I can drown it out with logic.
ReplyDeleteAlice, no one's personal history is petty, it may be different but it is just as valuable to you as mine is to me. Logic--a dying thing in this world man has made.
DeleteWith things like Pokemon Go available, we may be able to dispense with logic all together.
DeleteI think I love U more than ever, friend Mark ... smiles ... Always, cat.
ReplyDeleteSee i can talk of my inner being meowmomma and tell of the love I have inside (sometimes) bwahahahah
DeleteLooks like a piece of peace to me.
ReplyDeleteGoatman--though it looks like insanity to many i once knew, it is the ability to walk in a storm knowing that the lightening may strike close but never close enough to do me any harm.
DeletePipe of peace, that's a good way to live our days. Though I missed my passionate and angry voice, I have come to accept some things are better left by themselves. But I am not yet done yet, smiles. Have a good week Mark. Thanks for dropping by at D'verse for Brian's interview.
ReplyDeleteGrace making peace does not rule out the voice of passion. You are a poet of great regard, you are allowed to speak what you feel at the moment, the hour the day the point in life in which you feel.
DeleteI am at peace with my spirit, that spirit which birthed that spirit within, but I still war with my world and my conscience regarding that world--do I speak or not. I would that I not, but that which is within will always tell me to speak.
Conscience ,I liked the word I wonder if it still exist, stay calm positive and focused that's what I think we need to be at peace
DeleteConscience ,I liked the word I wonder if it still exist, stay calm positive and focused that's what I think we need to be at peace
Delete