IF YOU FIND A FLOW JUST GO WIT IT.
I’ve been this way before
and know that there is something
wrong with me, I don’t recognize
anything from then, when I passed through
this place then. I was different, a little more relaxed
about living, knowing I was going to go on
and the world was my nut to crack.
Until I got old enough to have to break my back
to find the food to eat and the meat to pay the bills
and the choices between jacks or Jill.
I am talking to myself through the pools of drool
that gather in my pillow seams
while I dream of days gone by
that I don’t believe
I really did all those things
I know I think I did.
But I know I did something
at those happiest of days before
I was a junkie recovered
an alcoholic recovered
a broke down old man discovered
that shit will always happen. BLINK!
There ya go another pile of it, bullshit
I’ll wonder about what to do with it
when the shit starts to really stink
because it’s only shit…compost, food for growth
and I am older now, still don’t eat the shit easier now
like a kid again I worry less now
because I know that shit happens
and it’s nothing to worry about.
As long as you don’t step in it again.
© M Durfee
1.22.2014
Everything I read today seems to have a personal meaning for me. Maybe it is so, maybe it's wishful thinking, it doesn't matter though... Thanks for your comment, by the way, that IS the truth. I've come so accustomed to people having no time, no interest, I don't really bother with anything but "I'm fine". But what the hell, why not. Like you say, the real people will emerge from the muddle...
ReplyDeleteI love how you go from the youthful 'the world is my oyster' to the 'responsible' we all become at some stage, to the detriment of ourselves, nonetheless. Success and money have never brought personal happiness. In fact, they invariably create the addicts and alcoholics and 'nervous break-down' folk. Until the next page is turned and we get to realize that no matter what, inner peace and happiness IS the most important thing, and that what society thinks really doesn't matter. Hubby so succinctly said it's the 'fuck it' age. And then personal growth has a chance, happiness is achievable, society be damned! Now to just keep a lookout for that shit...
Your husband is an astute observer of the times Shadow. Once we get past the I HAVE to fit somewhere then we find we fit everywhere shamelessly without a wasted moment.
Deleteha. well, i figure i am going to step in it again, but i try to avoid the ones at least that look the same...and learn from ones i have stepped in...i have def got a bit more relaxed already that 10 years ago...but i keep moving...
ReplyDeleteBrian by the time you're ready for that rocking chair you are going to be triple malt scotch ready to be loosed from the barrel.
DeleteAnd on a bitterly cold day, shit is at least nice and warm. for a while.
ReplyDeleteIf you let it freeze to your feet then you'll have shoes Charles.
DeleteSo true, Mark. We circle round to the beginning...
ReplyDeleteSo i am beginning to understand Kim, I'd as soon stay on the outside of the circular firing squad though.
DeleteMany a cow-pie I've stepped in, and felt the warmth oozing between my toes.
ReplyDeleteIt got to point where I didn't mind it--at all.
Finally, I'm seeing feeling, noticing, becoming aware of the difference between not giving a dammm--and trying to avoid the shit.
"ALL COW-PIES LEAD TO A MANURE PILE"
--Steve E
There is a benefit to a manure pile Steve...the top layer is dry and it burns for cooking fuel.
DeleteHey, that shit is valuable! Goes great in the garden.
ReplyDeleteIt has to be broken down into compost first Alice especially if you plant your garden right 'neath your kitchen window.
DeleteGreat song.
ReplyDelete"We never step in the same crap twice" Heraclitus
ALOHA from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
> < } } ( ° >
I wish I never stepped into it twice but the advantage the second time Cloudia was the pile was smaller.
DeleteI know I think I did.
ReplyDeleteGood line.
I am old enough too. I know to avoid assholes. But I think I 'm smart enough to know that there are so many wonderful muddling through people all around , and I seek them out.
I don't know if I'm tough enough for the really bad stuff. Harm my family and all bets are off.
I seem to have a new serenity in life these days. Mark, I think you do too, some of the time
Love
kj
kj When we were in our 20's-30's 40's the stuff that seemed like shit was just mundane daily life. We have a better sense of discernment now that wer are progressing on past being responsible for all that we can not see.
DeleteOf course you're tough enough fo all the evil or bad, it only exists to be beaten.
step in it, wipe it off in the grass, step in it again.
ReplyDeleteCan't seem to stop, because yesterday is tomorrow when
Someone needs the help of my back or what money I can give.
I reckon I think that's what I have to do, because that's how I live.
Sure one can try to avoid the worse, but that little number comes with a curse.
Because in the doing the first, they are alone in their closets, clutching their purse.
Maybe in the long run, I'll have squandered MY existence, too.
But because I don't care about loss from elsewhere...I have a friend like you.
Loss is nothing, if there's nothing you can always leave, eh?
But a FRIEND is a treasure that will last for many days.
No matter where you are, or if you have a truck or car.
Or whether you've the inclination, to drive across part of the nation.
Would I step in it again, I wonder, and I think the answer, "yes"
Even though it sometimes looks like vultures watching from the fences.
The bending over backwards for some is really the easy part.
The hard thing is knowing that it will once more break my heart.......
You know Boneman it took a long time to learn that one persons shit is another persons potential garden.
DeleteMan, the title alone was almost enough to make me skip this one. But then I thought, what the hell, shit happens. And, lo and behold, shit did happen! I no longer worry about it between my toes however, I no longer go barefoot.
ReplyDeleteThere comes a point in life Carleton where the shit just isn't worth worrying about, I just try not to track it into the house.
DeleteNo disrespect, I fear I'm losing my mind, but this drives me to scat writing.
ReplyDeleteMy friend, oddly a union organizer, said he once walked out a Montreal YMCA room with fifty dollars.
"Fifty dollars? For doing what?"
"Some guy in Room 204 asked me to crap on his chest... I said I wasn't that type of guy. He said he wasn't that type of guy either, but he would give me fifty bucks for sh**ing on his chest.
"What did I care?
"I had a good crap, wiped myself and came out with fifty bucks."
..................
I related this story to my fishing buddies, one of whom was really sensitive. He didn't like the story at all. Said it made him sick.
As is often the case with adolescents and even grown men, the squeamish guy got a terrible ribbing.
"You seem a little depressed, John"
"Nah. Not really".
"Sure, you're depressed."
Yeah, I kinda feel bad."
"Almost enough to make you want to shit on somebody's chest.".
.
Take your shirt off old man! Oh an get $50 out for me.
DeleteHa ha ha ha!
DeleteEverything seemed so important years ago when I was striving for BS (bullshit), MS (more shit) and Ph.D. (Piled Higher and Deeper). Now that I have achieved so many goals, I am happy with just simple things and not being in the fray. My ego is quieter and not striving for much. It's a benefit of getting older--one of the few, I'd guess.
ReplyDelete