CAUTIONARY TALE VIII-SELF DETERMINATION
I can feel the grip on my wrist,
holding me strongly
while my foot searches for the next step
that will move me forward, upward to this climbs end.
My mind dare not wander to the “what if”
yet how can it not shuffle thoughts
while ascending mountains
to the lotus purpling sky?
Loose stones falling abound
I have spent so much of my living,
my strength feeling for the outcrop
that will hold my weight let me rest before I go.
I have crossed many
ranges of tectonic thoughts
that I no longer remember from where I started
or why, other than the simple:
“I must get away
from the here
I have returned to again;
forgotten and climbed back to”
The cost of my exertions
was the loss of my slavery of thinking
that one day I may fit in somewhere
I am loved and can return the care.
Now, now I know I do not need to fit anywhere
other than here, on this mountains face moving
upward toward what I have long hoped
to be the final end of my last climb.
I feel the grip on my wrist; have felt it for decades.
Scaling unknown inflexible places can crush a man’s soul.
While I climb, sweat and yes, even occasionally fear
the fallacy that I will never fail or fall.
All I am climbing toward now this time
is to kiss the face at the end of that arm.
Until then I will have my own thoughts as I’ve been taught
to fit my own steps wherever I am to be on this rocky face.
I accept that responsibility
for upward motion is shared;
but if I do fall, the failure is mine alone
for the gravity of my cares misplaced.
© M Durfee